You somehow managed to break Cherwell hyperlinks on iOS while getting drunk at the golf course. Way to multi-task.
EDM and WAS Lost!!!!
What did the world do you to that we deserve to lose to Terry in the bracket challenge?
Damnit Jon! 
PK Is Winning
Douchebag PK is still in the playoffs winning.
Thanks a lot, Jon.
Sick Jon
Jon went home sick so I have to do his work. What a douche.
Damnit Jon
Flight was deleyed/canceld
Bad Jon